The Narcissist's Inability To Apologize Or Express Thanks In Everyday Life

I just stumbled on an excellent, brief article by Nancy McWilliams and Stanley Leppendorf on everyday manifestations of narcissism.  I read it a number of years ago and misplaced the only hard copy I had, so I was pleased to run across it online today. The authors examine the everyday implications of the narcissist's need to protect an internal sense of grandiosity.  They explain why the narcissist finds it difficult to apologize, show gratitude, admit error and experience or show need.  They also comment on the experience of the person who is chronically subject to the defensive maneuvers of the narcissist.  As one patient describes it, the narcissist leaves you feeling 'mind-fucked."

We have put particular emphasis on the psychological encumbrance borne by the objects of essentially narcissistic transactions, whose usual response to the prolonged substitution of other behaviors for expressions of sorrow and thanks includes confusion, self-criticism, loneliness, and diffuse irritation - an overall sense of having been, as one of our patients put it. "mind-fucked." The state of confusion induced by narcissistic defenses may say something about why it took so many years for psychoanalysts to develop a rich and specific literature about narcissism, comparable to that on the more "classical" psychopathologies.

Fortunately, the entire article is online here.  It's an easy read if you've got an analytic background, but I suspect that the thoughtful lay reader might understand enough of it to find it interesting and thought provoking, as well.   If you have difficulty with the more theoretical introductory material, the everyday examples of narcissistic defenses might make things a bit more clear as the article proceeds.

UPDATE:  The link to the article is no longer working.  You can still read the article via the Wayback Machine.  Be patient.  The link will take 1-3 minutes to pull up the article.

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Comments

[Bar Bar A]

I suppose sending this to my narcissistic friend and saying "read this it describes you to a T", would not be a good idea...

Great article, thanks for sharing it.

[Dr X]

Bar Bar A,

You're welcome!

And, you're right. Passsing this article around to the narcissistic people in your life probably wouldn't be a good idea. Then again, a narcissistic friend might think you were sharing it to confess something about yourself.

[flgator]

Dr. X,

Great article. Thanks for posting.

Dr. Nell

[Coralin]

Where can I find this article?

[Dr X]

Coralin,

I responded to you at the email address you left with your comment.