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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

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And what's interesting is that private schools and Catholic schools usually provide more structure and close supervision, which helps (as opposed to the chaos, group projects and visual distractions of most loosey goosey PC public schools of the type my older kids attended). But private schools are also far stricter and have the option of expelling nonconforming students and in fact do so (except in the case of rich donors' kids) to keep their stats good. So they are not usually nurturing place for kids with issues. They have to be tutored to survive. I suspect the real reason for teacher's tossing out the phrase, tho, is not so much prejudice against kids with ADHD so much as it is simple exasperation with rich dummies. Exasperation with the children of rich parents who buy their way in, and who are dumb as two planks and who have to get remedial tutoring aka someone doing their homework to pass each grade. That turns into a kind of generalized negativism about anyone getting tutoring.

Also, a kid needing tutoring dramatically points up that their teaching is not doing the job, that the kid cannot progress without outside help. So it is an unintentional insult. Teachers prefer it when the mom gushes "Oh, Mrs Ingersoll, you have made calculus easy for ALL my kids, I wish I had had you in my math class!"

Another point, when kids have disabilities, public schools are usually better places for them (unless it's in a really bad school district with switchblades and gangs and serious bullying of more vulnerable kids). Parents of kids with mild disabilities obviously want them to pass for normal, and private schools appeal because they often turn out kids who are better dressed, have better manners, and have been made to take harder courses. Initially they seem more appealing than the local public high school where one sees loser stoners, gangbangers, sluts in miniskirts, geeks, dumb jocks, killer competitive jerk future Wall Streeters, and the spoilt rich brats driving up in Beamers. But in a public school, they are mandated by law to provide an appropriate education to a kid and accomodate their learning style. My own kid got an infinitely better education, for free, thru the public schools (with a serious diagnosis) than a boy from church whose parents felt that private schools would civilize their son with a similar diagnosis, better. By middle school, just when my son was starting to settle down and finally make friends, their son was starting to act nearly psychotic in frustration at an environment that simply would not bend to accomodate him.

Of course all private schoola are not alike. Avoiding bullying is probably a primary consideration for all parents of kids with any special ed issues, almost more than educational stuff. Sometimes private school students are crueller, sometimes public. In my town the public school kids are brutal (recent suicide of kid after ten years bullied), but my son was in a therapeutic day program under the public school system. Mainstreaming would have likely led him to the same despair as killed the kid who killed himself recently.

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