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Saturday, November 28, 2015

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I saw Twinsters. Well done. And you are disciplined not to make connections between one of the twins and some of your reading...as a lay person (a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!) I kept cringing at certain behaviors and emotional responses. Tho obviously one could imagine where they came from.

I was struck by the value of the presumably far stricter, more rigid and conventional upbringing of the twin raised French. Because I believe that all kids benefit from structure (I was too loosely gooey at times w my own, in reaction to savage, worse than military discipline in my own family of origin, and it was a mistake. Even tho my kids still think me a tiger Mom!).

But my point is that rules and clear societal expectations are deeply reassuring, anchor lost kids, give them a sense of belonging. It actually gives them the freedom to express themselves better, as it can ground them emotionally. I'm not talking about harsh discipline, but about NOT being too unconditionally accepting of a kid. Kids respond well to high expectations.

I've never forgotten how the Boy Kid's confidence improved when a Sunday School teacher demanded and got quiet and respectful behavior from him at church so that he did not disrupt others' worship. Knowing that one can exercise self control can be a source of quiet strength.

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